Raising a Leader

This past week i attended RIS (Reviving the Islamic Spirit) and i took notes from most lectures. The following is the opening of RIS that I took from Dr. Tareq Suwaidan lecture on "Raising a Leader".

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Defining a "Leader"

• An ability to move followers, goal to direct and understanding abilities.

10 Attributes to teach your children

1. Train your children in a "guiding vision" (i.e what do they want to become in the future). Start this when they begin school or are in kindergarden to get a better understanding of life.
2. Get them to trust children so when they grow up they do not become to be wary of everyone or everything. It will learn them to trust themselves in their actions.
3. Curiosity, let your children ask questions and answer all of their questions. This will make them smarter and knowledgeable in the future.
   
4. Courage, never let them have a fear of anything. Clear all phobias or issues that they have. The first 7 years of their life is when you build values and personality.
5. Integrity, teach them not to cheat in life or school or anything that they do. Make sure they live according to Allah (SWT) and the Prophet (SAW)
6. Listening, this is a very important attribute and all good leaders are good listeners. Teach them to listen
7. Balance Life, make sure they live a balanced life were they spend time with their friends and sports. Enroll or play soccer or other sports. In the end you want "spirit, mind, body and emotion" to be in balance. Also make sure they join groups.
8. Frank Relationships, get your child to learn to speak out. Make sure they don't bottle it and to get them to accept and give advices.
9. Joy, their energy will reflect if happy. Always smile and laugh as smiling is a sadaqat (charity)
10. Open Mind, do not be a racist and be open to others opinions. Make sure your child takes other peoples thoughts into consideration. "You think you're right but you could be wrong"

Leadership Origins

1. Leadership is God given, Prophet (SaW) said, "Leaders are like walking camels, find one leader in a suitable camels to walk". 1% of the population can be leaders.
   Some people cannot be leaders because it is God given and entailed onto children in early years. Success makes you happy but failing is ok. Even the Prophet SAW failed in things for i.e the Battle of Uhud. Learn your child encouragement and criticism and to accept.
   
2. Exploration is very important to leadership. Always try new things whether its new food you have never tried in your favorite restaurant or other things. Exploration is the source of creativity and a valuable skill to leadership. Also learn from your mistakes.
3. Humanity, you learn about humanity through school courses like philosophy, music, history, sociology, psychology. Learn about leadership from these school courses. Not from math or sciences. Always seek wisdom and knowledge!
4. Learn from early experiences, make them lead like giving your children the passport to give to the official at the airport or other ways.
5. Leadership is not easy, concentrate on math and computers
6. Be aware of strengths of weaknesses of your children.
7. First spark to leadership. Failure is natural. Why fail? because you did not plan or consult.
8. How? Certain things to do and not to do

• Never say what you dont mean! (ie. i'll leave and never come back to this house again!)
  
• Never hit your children! Prophet SAW never hit anyone (kid, woman or adult). Also if you cant control your tongue then you dont have the right to teach.

• Let them Decide. But only you get final answers and if it is harmful then you intervene. You should also watch their friends, watching their friends is more important than reciting to learn a surah. You can always recite and learn a surah but you can never find the right friends. Also the older they are the more space they should get.
  

9. How to behave when child makes mistakes

• Stop them
• Don't exaggerate on punishment
• apply the punishment, DO IT!
• forgive them after the punishment
• show them that you are unhappy in their actions
• Tell them you still love them (you punish them because you love them)

10. Do not threaten them with something that you will not do!
11. Confess your mistakes. Parents can make mistakes.
12. Give them responsibilities. Give them passports at airports to give to officials or let them pay zakaat or sadaqah when they are around. Never give it your self when they are around.
13. Never mock or laugh at them. It will ruin their personality.
14. Never stop praising them. Try and catch them doing a good deed. Also never disagree with your spouse in front of them. Never correct one another infront of them.
15. Get them into the habit of reading. Get them started as early as 1 years old. Get them into the habit for a hour or two a day.
16. Unconditional Love, dont favor kids over others. Also some kids might not excel well in school as others but they can still exceed in life on their other skills. Bill Gates dropped out of school.
17. Teach them their language or religion. Also teach them arabic. Teach them the names of Allah and the mercy of their names and that He just does not punish. Make them love the tafseers, seerahs and prayers. Let them love the hijab, life and respect of others. The earlier the better.
18. Whole personality counts. Connection of all these personalities.
19. Seek Allah SWT's HELP!!

Imam in the quran means leader. Serve Allah and not show off and start early with your children.