Dr. Jamal Badawi - Divorce

An Amanicle Separation Before Problems Arise

1. Premarital professional Islamic counselling
2. Right choice (religious & character)
3. Affordable marital gift and wedding. Avoid day after financial troubles.
4. Reasonable & realistic = expectations
5. Mutual kindness and Respect (30:21)
6. Complimentary & comparitive project

Dealing with marital problems privately

1. Think of wives positive character (4:19)
2. Either side may exhort one another (9:71)
3. A wife who fears exhortion may compromise with her husband to a fair solution. "Nushuz"
4. #3 but gender swapped
5. If wife insists infractions the husband may suspend intimate relations (Does not mean leave home)
   
6. most cases are to be resolved by that time

Does the Quran sanction "beating"?

1. Surah #4, right to protect vulnerable in society
2. Ayah 32, acceptance of differencebut equitable genders variation.
3. Ayah 34, (support, protect) to guide. No superiority of human, gender. All equal power.
4. Leadership is responsibility
5. Obedience
6. Ayah, praises obedient wives
7. form of disrespect of the husband and a threat to family stability.
   
8. Cant strike face, not even a mark on the body.
9. no slap or punch
10. Problem must be admitted by all community
11. Prophet SAW never resorted to that
12. Rule of lesser harm apply
13. Laws to stop violence and abuse are compatible with Quran
14. (30:21) Marriage is love, tranquility and compassion
    

Other means of Reconciliation
1. Family mediations or arbitrations

Black History Month by Imam Zaid Shakir

So i know im a bit late as Black History Month has past us...ive been saving this one for the month but i got lazy so HERE it is after its done and maybe you can reflect on this month next year :)

1 of 5 Muslim slaves alone in Virginia & Carolina back then. Muslims were in North America before Columbus ever was. There was also 50-60% muslims in Jamaica at one point. Their history is our history.

Who was Ayub bin Sulaiman??
Lived in Eastern Senegal and was taken into slavery. He then landed in Maryland in 1731 and was sold to slavery. A few weeks later he ran away from his master. He was a son of a leader, his father was an Imam and a dignified person. As a slave, Ayub bin Sulaiman couldn't perform salah (prayers) and he ran away. He was then captured and beaten. When he was caught the master gave him a musallah to pray in but he still did not obey. He also learned english in 6 weeks on the boat while coming to America. He then wrote a letter and it went through England to Africa. It was then sent to a group called 'Okafor' (a slave free organization). They translated the letter and Okafor him self paid for his release out of his own money. This news had gotten the attention of the Queen of England and she had wanted to draw an art of him but he wanted to stick to his traditional clothing. But no one knew what his traditional clothing was. So he then said,"you don't know what Jesus looked like but you drew him".He was later sent back to Africa as a free man.

Umar bin Sayeed - Author on slavery in Arabic language. He had a level of scholarship in Africa and wanted to manifest Islam in other places. But he died out and wasn't able to build Muslim settings in Southern America because he had no one to marry.

Islam found Damascus, Baghdad, Spain (Cordoba), Asian and soon America. Must develop institutions where ever we settle.

Elijah Mohammad - movement to strenghten Islam within Africans and help made Malcolm X, Mohammad Ali, Martin Luther King (who became sunni after hajj).

First masjid in America in Cleveland and Upstate New York.

H Rap Brown was a rapper but later became muslim. He had cleaned the streets in Atlanta, West End. Made it a safe environment for the community and he started islamic institutions like ISNA & ICNA.

Shaykh Yahya Rhodus
"Mother has jannat beneath her feet"
fatwa = human attempt at sending something from Gof's word in a human opinion.

Fatwas are formed from all 4 school thoughts and consideration. Avoid violent rhetoric. All of the world belongs to God and all creatures pray to God. "where ever you find good you can reside there" (Hadith).

Jihad is ruled by state authorities and not individuals or groups.

Egyptians do not have hot dog eating competitions. Muslims do not have water drinking competitions.
Hummer = company admits that their drivers are self centered.
Living in an age of extremism. (bungee jumping, parachuting, cannabilism, SAW movies about sawing peoples legs off)

Karachi, not helping global warming with their rickshaws.
Bhutto = not a good Prime Minister but killing her was wrong!

Violence is in human conditioning...but Prophet SAW despised violence.
Prophet SAW loved poetry, poetry moves souls, cleanses body, check what our creed is about.

aqeedah = has to be lived, rooted in the heart.

We must enable to hope. Bhutto represented "hope" for people of Pakistan
Revenge = not in the quran. We have justice not not revenge.

Need to expel youth mentality to stop this in Islam.

If you think the laws of Canada are kufr then pack your bags and get out this is not the teaching of Islam or its Prophets. Go to Iraq or Afghanistan. Religion has been hijacked by political discourse. Muslim important goal is akhira not dunya. Cant turn islam into political Zionism. Need to get back on track and obey the laws of the land. We are ambassadors of Islam to this country.

For the Love of our Children

Shaykh Murad

The Hajj - Moving experience, come back a different person. Journey to the center of the world, the birthplace of Islam.

Trouble makers are natural in boys. If you drive a Benz and you take your children to school and others are driving other cars other than luxury then dont expect your kids to be faithful in your belonging in society. Try to live poor. Prophet SAW had no furniture so when you pick up your children from school make sure you have a poor beaten car while others have SUV's. Make a child proud of what they have.

Imam Zaid Shakir
157 women killed by male partners (in Canada)
1000-3000 killed by male partners (in America)

Must always know the story first. "If one has takes a life of child of Adam then he has taken away an entire life" (Quran).

Aqsa Parvez = innocent life taken away. Well known in the community not just Muslim community .

Sports are a major impact on a child's life. Imam Zaid went to school to play sports. If we love our children then we must consult and ask what they are doing.

If you want your child to be Pakistani then you should have stayed in Pakistan. Cant have the best of both worlds. Children, be patient with your parents because your kids will be your parents revenge.

There is a major pressure on your children. Must use rebelliousness in you to fight those that make you go against your parents. Don't fall for the consumers, materialistic things like boxing day. Don't fall for it.

Learn about Isa A.S, its the season about him (Christmas). Have sense, wear belts and not around your thigh or your hat backwards when in the sun and you cant stop squinting. Fight against forces and be bold like Abraham who went to the Kabah and smashed statues because youre alone you feel as if no one is standing with you and have no courage but Allah SWT is standing with you.

Be a source of good, guidance, if anyone asks for your help they are coming to you for a reason so help and if you turn away then who will be their helper?

...??

Surah Nur - talks about light, about women andto lower your gazes. Also talks about "private space". Tells men to lower their gazes and guard their private parts. Pornography is a male problem. In the surah, it reminds us TWO times of guarding our ornaments and another 3rd time to protect our ornaments. Mentions in the surah,"Turn together to God". This is followed by a command of marriage. The humans heart purpose is God, natural feelings to protect and to seek knowledge.

America #1 for wrong reasons, first in rapes, drugs and pride.

Two main reasons:
1) Free Wild Animals - having appetite, uncontrollable , you can fast.
2) Boring - Don't know where to go in life.

A looking male is broken and heart is at harm, be careful of what you put in your heart the images will come back.
Those who take part in these the girls are kidnapped and demonized in a very serious condition and are drugged and forced to do it.
Taiyaboon = clean heart
bashara = naked skin

Nothing glorious than a naked body rewarded by God but you are dependability on conditions.

-Shaykh Hamza Yusuf

Women in Islam

The following is a lecture from Dr. Jamal Badawi from RIS07.

Methadology
-Two primary sources of Islam: (1) Quran (2) Authentic Sunnah
-Hadith must be interpreted in the light of the Quran.

-Texts of the Quran and Hadeeth may have definitive or probabilistic meaning.
-A problematic text must be interpreted in the light of a definitive text.
-Knowledge of language of the Quran
-Quran explains its self.
-Awareness of the revelation or occasion of events in the Quran
- General term, "woman" or "people" may relate to all or a subset.

Misunderstood Verses
Polygamy
- Connection with the protection rights of orphan girls.
- monogamy is normal
- Only in Abrahamic religion to limit number and strict rules.

Inheritance
-Control of property
- Marital gift
- Full support
- Rights of divorce
- Lesser share of divorce. Depends either husband or wife can get more.

Wife
1) Doesn't have to give money
2) Reciever
3) Male must pay dowry
4) Financial Security - Doesn't have to pay anything
5) If divorced, male MUST help
6) Male must be involved in child support

"Western world must envy the muslim world" - Dr. Jamal Badawi

Shariah makes husband financially responsible even if wife is richer

Misunderstood Verses (contin...)
1. Women are created from "bent ribs" (Hadeeth)
-Created differently...not "crocked". Not actually bent but curved. If tried to straighten it will break.

2. Analogy of Tilling land.
- Like fertile earth the womb nourishes the human "seed"
- No value of either sperm (you can have millions) until it has a womb.
- Legal restrictions to approaching your wife.
- Good treatment of your wife. "Mahroof"

3. Majority of female in hell fire?
- Good deeds not gender determine a persons destiny.
- Not a general statement
- Connected with negative behavior
Kuf (not Kufr) = ungrateful
- Why? because woman can be ungrateful and curse at their man. ie. "ungrateful husband does nothing...)
- Does not apply to all women just to the one of these characteristics.

- God will forgive if they die with other good deeds.
- Richness and greed can make you forget about God.
- Not every poor person goes to Jannat (paradise).

4. Deficient in mind & religion (referring to a hadeeth about Eid and Women)
- Prophet SAW encouraged all to enjoy the day of Eid
- Hadeeth was about an Eid festival
- Eid is the time to do good and have fun

Recounciling Power and authority in the muslim family

Finally another RIS post! The following is a session from Dr. Abdal Hakim Jackson titled "Whos the Boss". The following might sound wack so just point it out and ill try helping you out

To see us as an purily entity as economic values and as human beings. Not economical but relational once we satisfy basic needs such as food or shelter. Islam is a religion that constructs us in the here after.
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We are not individuals. Not just to pursue goals but to be a unit (a family). Women want to be made special, with high self esteem. They want security...both financial and emotional security. If you have no esteem then how can you offer your spouse??

Not a competition between genders but a complimentary relation, both need each other and can enhance one another.

God made us male and female to enhance our relationships. God has made us a family with the males major responsibility is financial responsibility.

The youth that have lost relations with their famils are the ones who don't have no guidance in life (no fathers or mothers in their life). They need stronger enhanced families.

Political Science teaching in school: "Power Corrupts!"

"Even Ray Charles can see the blindness of divorce" - Dr. Abdal Hakim Jackson

People think that women roles is fixed in stone.

"Mauf" - What is consistence of good sound relations.

In conclusion its "new world vs. old world" and that Islam has all mechanism to adjust to all scenarios and that you must be spiritual.

Family Quarrels

The following is a lecture by Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari from RIS.

Why family members fight?
kinship, if family's are are united and healthy and believed in one then there will be no family quarrels. Should reconcile between people. Making peace is like a raqaat.

tail bearer (two faced) = biggest sin

The only reason one can lie is to your spouse. It is in a hadith (i.e your wife calls and you answer by saying "yes i have been thinkin of you all day"). Make peace with your brother.

Cause of Friction
1) No right intention - actions according to intentions. Being polite.

Best ingredient to being prosperous? Dont expect anything good from others. If they do then take it as a bonus.

2) Selfish, Self Centered - need quality of Eesa (Jesus) A.S of "putting our selves in other peoples boots". When people want their own rights. "Even when people are hungry they give preference to other people" = Eesa A.S.
Eethar = taking hardship for someone else.

3) Always interacting with everyone, with work people or school mates. Having your feeling hurts is natural and you should always exercise "sabr" (patience). Also control your anger. Do not become angry.
Sabr = controls anger and conflicts. It does not come easy you must work at it. Sabr is at the moment of "hard times", when you can control your anger at that exact moment.

Must make sure you deal with one another as strangers (ie. when dealing with transactions with one another) but live like brothers.

Be very clear cut when dealing with inheritance. After decease share your will! Will will cause troubles in the years to come. Do not consume wealth in large.

4) Avoid ridiculing other people.
-do not mock
-if you do then have a limit
-it is a big sin (haram)

Seek forgiveness from Allah SWT about the ones feelings we have hurt. It is better in this life than the here after. Owe people their money back if you are in debt. If you are unable to reach the person you want to talk or ask for forgiveness from then make a dua for them.

Finding Mr./Mrs. Right

Marriage is a sacred bond between a husband and wife. God praises him self in the Quran because he has created pairs between man and woman (one soul, one nafs to find one another). Man and woman are the same but different and a man needs a woman to complete him self. Love comes from Allah SWT.

Mawadah - love along with compassion & mercy, with caring of the other half.

In the Quran - Garments to one another "hide privacy" "hide embarrassment". Shelter one another from protection of haram. Without close we feel incomplete.

How to go about finding a Spouse
Do not underestimate parents. Parents also look out for your interests. They know more because of age and experience.

Arrange Marriage - Tried and tested for 100s of years. Allowed to talk to one another as long as you are not alone with one another. This should be your first step, try arrange marriage as your first choice.

Hook up Aunties - Sit on phones for hours with nothing to do but talk about others and hook up others. These aunties usually have no aunties of their own and this should be your LAST RESORT!!

Internet (marriage websites) - danger, meeting anyone online it can be hazardous. It involves no mehram .

MSA (muslim student association) - Connects sisters and brothers. Parents need to realise that there is no shurah meeting at 5pm on a friday. The organization involves no parent.

4 Advices
Emotion of love is the strongest feeling that you will ever feel. It overrides all other emotions and leads to a type of madness. Becareful of others and God. Try to make it a reality if in love and have a proper nikkah.
Brothers, make sure you take care of your muslim sisters and that she has blood brothers and parents that do take care of her so you take care of her to. Women have power of men and a wali must approve.
Parents, different were they came from and cant expect kids to be raised like they did. It is a differnet country and you should talk about issues with your kid and be a sympathetic friend before a parentwith your children.

Love is not a crime, it is not unnatural. It is necessary and is not prohibited in Islam. "There is nothing better to do than two couples to get married." (hadeeth)

Arranging a Marriage by Choice

Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

Concept of Marriage in Islam
Islam is a moderate religion. Islam recognizes human needs...even the most pious need marriage. Islam puts excitement into marriage. Reasons why divorce rates are high are because couples have high expectations from watching Bollywood/Hollywood movies. They misinterpret marriage.

Islam puts excitement into marriage. Why we shouldn't watch soap operas or movies...it will deter marriage. Marriage is tranquility or peacefulness. Marriage is Ibadah (form of worship). There are only two forms of ibadah are: 1) Iman 2) marriage.

Muslims should get married to please God. It has everything to do with Islam like salah, hajj or even zakaat. We should have the intentions of getting married for God. Sexual relations is an act of sadaqah (charity) just like saying subhanallah & alhamdulillah are all sadaqah. Marriage is Sunnah and you can help one another reach piety and become closer to God.

There are 3 verses from the Quran that are mentioned in the nikkahs khutba. One is from Surah Nisa, Surah Hizam (???) and the other (???). The word marriage is not even mentioned in these surahs, but they all contain the Taqwa (rememberance of God) and a need of piety. Live life in guidance as nikah is ibadah. Make sure you pick your spouse on piety and have a fear of God. Islam has made marriage simple but we have made it difficult because of its simplicity, we just need two witnesses to approve of a marriage.

Dowry is conditional not a prerequisite. Khattab R.A said,"Prophet SAW did not pay dowry". Sahabas never mentioned their nikkah to the Prophet SAW and he never complained. He just sent his baraqah and said to make sure there is a valimah with a feast of a whole goat.

If a good offere comes along to your children then do not delay or else there will be tribulations in the future.

Different types of Marriage
Arrange Marriage - parents hook up and arrange. Never random.
Forced Marraige - HARAM. Condemned, not allowed in Islam. Not permissable to force it is even written in a hadith. Must ALWAYS seek permission.

Prophet SAW had consulted his daughter Fatima that Ali is proposing to her and that she had the choice. Always do Istikhara and seek guidance. If the other party is not practicing then you have the right to deny.

To parents: make it easy to marry for your children.

Raising a Leader

This past week i attended RIS (Reviving the Islamic Spirit) and i took notes from most lectures. The following is the opening of RIS that I took from Dr. Tareq Suwaidan lecture on "Raising a Leader".

...


Defining a "Leader"

• An ability to move followers, goal to direct and understanding abilities.

10 Attributes to teach your children

1. Train your children in a "guiding vision" (i.e what do they want to become in the future). Start this when they begin school or are in kindergarden to get a better understanding of life.
2. Get them to trust children so when they grow up they do not become to be wary of everyone or everything. It will learn them to trust themselves in their actions.
3. Curiosity, let your children ask questions and answer all of their questions. This will make them smarter and knowledgeable in the future.
   
4. Courage, never let them have a fear of anything. Clear all phobias or issues that they have. The first 7 years of their life is when you build values and personality.
5. Integrity, teach them not to cheat in life or school or anything that they do. Make sure they live according to Allah (SWT) and the Prophet (SAW)
6. Listening, this is a very important attribute and all good leaders are good listeners. Teach them to listen
7. Balance Life, make sure they live a balanced life were they spend time with their friends and sports. Enroll or play soccer or other sports. In the end you want "spirit, mind, body and emotion" to be in balance. Also make sure they join groups.
8. Frank Relationships, get your child to learn to speak out. Make sure they don't bottle it and to get them to accept and give advices.
9. Joy, their energy will reflect if happy. Always smile and laugh as smiling is a sadaqat (charity)
10. Open Mind, do not be a racist and be open to others opinions. Make sure your child takes other peoples thoughts into consideration. "You think you're right but you could be wrong"

Leadership Origins

1. Leadership is God given, Prophet (SaW) said, "Leaders are like walking camels, find one leader in a suitable camels to walk". 1% of the population can be leaders.
   Some people cannot be leaders because it is God given and entailed onto children in early years. Success makes you happy but failing is ok. Even the Prophet SAW failed in things for i.e the Battle of Uhud. Learn your child encouragement and criticism and to accept.
   
2. Exploration is very important to leadership. Always try new things whether its new food you have never tried in your favorite restaurant or other things. Exploration is the source of creativity and a valuable skill to leadership. Also learn from your mistakes.
3. Humanity, you learn about humanity through school courses like philosophy, music, history, sociology, psychology. Learn about leadership from these school courses. Not from math or sciences. Always seek wisdom and knowledge!
4. Learn from early experiences, make them lead like giving your children the passport to give to the official at the airport or other ways.
5. Leadership is not easy, concentrate on math and computers
6. Be aware of strengths of weaknesses of your children.
7. First spark to leadership. Failure is natural. Why fail? because you did not plan or consult.
8. How? Certain things to do and not to do

• Never say what you dont mean! (ie. i'll leave and never come back to this house again!)
  
• Never hit your children! Prophet SAW never hit anyone (kid, woman or adult). Also if you cant control your tongue then you dont have the right to teach.

• Let them Decide. But only you get final answers and if it is harmful then you intervene. You should also watch their friends, watching their friends is more important than reciting to learn a surah. You can always recite and learn a surah but you can never find the right friends. Also the older they are the more space they should get.
  

9. How to behave when child makes mistakes

• Stop them
• Don't exaggerate on punishment
• apply the punishment, DO IT!
• forgive them after the punishment
• show them that you are unhappy in their actions
• Tell them you still love them (you punish them because you love them)

10. Do not threaten them with something that you will not do!
11. Confess your mistakes. Parents can make mistakes.
12. Give them responsibilities. Give them passports at airports to give to officials or let them pay zakaat or sadaqah when they are around. Never give it your self when they are around.
13. Never mock or laugh at them. It will ruin their personality.
14. Never stop praising them. Try and catch them doing a good deed. Also never disagree with your spouse in front of them. Never correct one another infront of them.
15. Get them into the habit of reading. Get them started as early as 1 years old. Get them into the habit for a hour or two a day.
16. Unconditional Love, dont favor kids over others. Also some kids might not excel well in school as others but they can still exceed in life on their other skills. Bill Gates dropped out of school.
17. Teach them their language or religion. Also teach them arabic. Teach them the names of Allah and the mercy of their names and that He just does not punish. Make them love the tafseers, seerahs and prayers. Let them love the hijab, life and respect of others. The earlier the better.
18. Whole personality counts. Connection of all these personalities.
19. Seek Allah SWT's HELP!!

Imam in the quran means leader. Serve Allah and not show off and start early with your children.